Why is it so Hard to Understand?

by Katrina T. Ladwig

The earth shifted on its axis the day she was born. Everything that was important in the world was right there in my arms.

Ever since her first year of college when my daughter told me she is gay, I have been searching for the words to reach people who have a problem with homosexuality. As I grew up I missed most of the indoctrination in this prejudice; with her help, I began learning more about it. Since to me she was the most marvelous child anyone could hope to have, I really couldn't understand how people could be so blind. I remember her at age two and a half offering her paper cup of juice to a baby goat at the petting zoo, when she was older, jumping into a big puddle to rescue a calf stuck in the mud and changing a tire for an elderly lady. If this loving, outgoing, intelligent woman was gay, then how in the world could there possibly be anything wrong with that?

I remember asking her if she was sure. Her announcement seemed to come out of the blue, but I'm sure there were signs that would have given me a clue if I had been paying attention. And I was concerned, too, for her safety, because of the awful things people do to each other when they are confronted with something they don't understand.

It took a lot of courage on her part to tell me, as she didn't have any idea how I would react. Surely I would have figured it out eventually, but I'm so glad she trusted me enough to tell me. There are family members that we have not told simply because we agree that it's better not to. The question then arises how theyıll feel when they realize we did not trust them.

I collected everything I could find on the subject (the stack is currently two feet high) and started trying to think of ways to show how absurd it is to believe that someone chooses to be gay or that there is anything wrong with it. I didn't make a choice about my sexual orientation and I'll bet you didn't either. So why would anyone else? At a stage in life when being like everyone else is so important, why would young people decide to be different, to risk being rejected by their family, and to be so unhappy that suicide begins to look like the answer?

When parents or friends can't deal with it, I'd like to know how they can love someone one minute and reject them in the next just because they say the words "I'm gay." What about all the years of knowing this person? It's chilling to think of the pain of being rejected by oneıs own family or friends. With all the terrible accidents and disasters in life that we have no control over, why add man-made misery to the list? Surely this isn't a family value.

I took heart that some progress was being made when the story of Col. Margarethe Cammermeyer, the nurse and mother of four who received the Bronze Star for distinguished service in Vietnam and was later discharged from the Army National Guard after revealing her lesbianism, was shown on TV. After the program people were interviewed for their opinions. One man mumbled something about morality and the Bible, then added, "As for her, she's all right." Of course! During that program he had gotten to know her as a person! Is it as simple as that?

Several years ago I heard part of a sermon by one of the most prominent pastors in Houston. He was talking about sacraments of the church. The line that got my attention was "If you aren't there for your children, then nothing else you do in this life matters very much." He went on to talk about baptisms and weddings in the church. He said that when parents give their child to be baptized or married, they are really giving the child to the church so that the church would be there for them when their parents could not be. Doesn't that sound wonderful! I was so impressed! Imagine my shock to find out later that he was a leader in working to be sure that his church was not going to be there for me, and certainly not for my daughter. If the church is not there for us, does anything else the church does matter?

Ending the prejudice and hate directed toward homosexuals in our society has a long way to go, but I am hopeful. What would Jesus do? We should not have to ask. He preached unconditional love for all people, and itıs time for us to follow him.

Katrina Ladwig is working on a family history and wondering what to do about the elephant in the room that no one talks about.