From Laura to Laura

by Laura Webb Holliday

Dear Laura:

As I sit here with you on the beach under the sun, clouds, and blue skies, I am reminded of how the water has always been here for me. I am grateful that I know where to go to find one of the things on earth that never changes and brings me clarity and solace. As the waves crash against the rocks, I am reminded of how many times "I" have crashed against the rocks to dissipate into foam and go back out to sea. I remember how many times I have gazed out over this water and wondered who am I? Why am I here? Where am I going? Why? Why? Why?

Today I am here once more; however, this time it is a little different. This time, I have an idea of who I am, why I am here, and where I am going. I am me, changeless, all-knowing, a sojourner in this place to experience some of the things I am experiencing in this moment, and I am going back to where I've always been. In this human form, I have always wanted to identify with being human. I have wanted to love, to be accepted, to be like other humans, to think that those were some of the reasons I was here-when the real reason is to remember who I am and where I am going. I am presenting for the moment in human form. I have loved, I have cried. I have raged, I have been confused. I have been unclear. You name it and I have been it. I now know: I am me. I am not this human named Laura by someone else. I am me. I have learned I need nothing or nobody, for I am me.

I have learned from the water that I am a part of the vast ocean of consciousness called God or the One. I have learned that I came ashore as a wave and crashed against the rocks and became a drop to fall back into the ocean called God, to go back into the Source as foam. I have learned that I am here but a split second in time. And within that split second, I experienced what has been termed life with all its confusion, trials, and tribulations.

On my way to shore, I was so focused on where I was going that I temporarily forgot I was a part of the ocean on whose current I was riding. I forgot that the entire ride to shore was but a blink in the consciousness of the ocean. I forgot that in order for the ocean to experience itself as a wave or a drop, I had agreed to be that drop and had also agreed to forget myself in order for the ocean to experience fully the experience of itself. After forgetting what I had agreed to, I got caught up and started to believe I was the wave and then the foam on top of the wave. Then I became fearful of crashing against the rocks, and somewhere in my forgetfulness, I started to believe that when I crashed, I would be no more.

Well, the difference between sitting here now and in other times is I now know that the rocks agreed to allow me to crash upon them. The wind agreed to carry me to the rocks. The sun agreed to shine and provide me with light to see where I was going. The birds agreed to sing during my journey. The waves from which I rise agreed to sing the sound of eternity. And I, this Laura, now manifesting in human form, agreed to sit and witness all of this through a veil of forgetfulness once more.

-Laura Ward Holliday

Laura Holliday's practice as a Houston attorney focuses on mediation and consulting.